Hi Paula

Difficult situation, which may end up with your needing to decide whether or not the downsides of working alongside this colleague outweigh the upsides and that you need actively to seek alternative employment. Before then, it’s probably worth bringing up the matter a lot more seriously with your boss, pointing out all the difficulties and problems and that if this goes on you may well end up going elsewhere and then they’ll be in a right pickle! So what are they going to do about it? - you’re asking for some positive action from them that will influence your future decisions about the matter. Sometimes, putting a bit of capability or conduct improvement pressure on employees provokes them personally to decide to leave, but at this stage anything might happen.

The possible outcomes might include stress and unpleasantness falling upon yourself, but if you really want to try and stay where you are, that might need to be tolerated at least temporarily

In reply to David:

Dear David. Thank you for the advice , I think based on observation with my manager, he is not going to proceed with capability , as it might not look good on him and the company. That’s as of now, I am not sure later. Or I think the manager is giving her another chance. And yes as of for me, I’m definitely liking this job the only downside is the colleague but otherwise I am ok. Thank you!

In reply to Paula:

This isn't necessarily a capability issue. They can do the job, but they aren't pulling their weight because it appears there no need seen by them to do so.

It is really up to your boss to tell them they need to pull their socks up.  As a manager, `I'd not be thinking about using some  procedure.  I"d simply tell them off in plain English and tell them to pull their socks up.   Maybe  not very 'modern'  or woke, but its worked for trillions of the people  and won't waste anyone's time.   

Meanwhile you can also ask them politely and tell them how you feel about what they are doing by being very specific and giving them examples.  I know many years ago in my youth being told to pull my finger out.  "Oy Dave, stop chatting and do some work", sort of thing.

In reply to David Perry:

Sorry for the late reply and many thanks for your comments ️

In reply to David Perry:

David, telling people in a firm and professional manner that they need to put equal effort into their work is as old as time. There's no woke about it.

Paula, gosh, you are in a situation so familiar and common and you have some sound advice already.

As an aside, what I find curious is that this is in HR and so you might expect better from your manager as they most likely advise other managers on how to tackle performance issues and are not looking like they do that themselves. Very disappointing. I get HR are humans just like everyone else, we have good and capable managers and others who are less so. That said, we can't expect to tell other people how to manage if we don't step up ourselves.

I would state the facts to the manager.
*You have tried your best to address it yourself, as they would expect you to, and it's not worked.
*You expect them to manage the situation.
*It is impacting you, your work and could impact your engagement or even long term career.

If they don't show you what you need, you might need to stop rescuing this other person by doing work they need to pick up on. It's hard and uncomfortable, especially if they are nice person, but in the end this is not nice behaviour and this is about you and your career. They are responsible for their career.

Good luck.

Keep a diary - it's boring, but it works. So when you are asked, what, when, who, how, why etc, you can answer all those questions. And document it consistently.

Also STOP covering for her - when you do something together, clearly document/email, I'm doing XYZ and you're doing ABC part of this. So when it's not finished it's not on your table.

If you get on ok, then say I like you but I'm struggling with how we share our work, do you have any views as to what could keep us on track together better... See what she has to say for herself.

Best of luck

Hi Paula,

There may be some comfort in knowing that you are not the only person who is dealing with such a situation, this is a common issue.

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Therefore, if your colleague believes you will cover for them, then they will continue with their sub-optimal behaviour.

You mentioned you "tried nice ways to communicate with her during working with her..." perhaps you need to adopt a more robust response.

Robert Cialdini, a psychologist, notes a way to influence the behaviour of a person is, commitment and consistency, i.e. you get someone to commit to something and they tend to want to be consistent with that commitment.

To use this concept in your work environment you could consider agreeing task allocations between you and your colleague, agreeing same in writing, including a commitment to advise each other if you are behind schedule. Then each and every time your colleague fails to meet their commitments they need to be informed of this, verbally or better still in writing. As time progresses, and if your colleague fails to meet their commitments you will have considerable evidence to present to your manager. If your manager fails to act, then you would need to go over their head to their manager and present the same evidence.

This would not be easy, but without change things will remain the same.

Also, if you did move job, who's to say you would not encounter such an individual again!!!