Fathers and the workplace

I'm a new father of a 3 month old and am in the fortunate position of being able to work flexibly. Full time hours over 4 days a week, which is brilliant. 2 weeks fully paid paternity leave, I appreciate that I am fortunate to work somewhere that has supported me in this way, and in an HR Dept that recognises the benefits of doing so.

My main point is surrounding the uptake of shared parental leave and the lack of uptake. I was involved in updating our policies prior to the legislation going live, which was challenging in itself, as we had a member of staff that was intending to make use of this immediately. He satisfied all of the criteria and as the mother of his child was self-employed it made a huge amount of sense. It was good to see that this working, and supporting his new family. Since then, we have had 2 further requests, which is less than I was anticipating.

Let me qualify what I am about to say by making it very clear that I fully appreciate he fortunate situation that I am in.

My family is one that should theoretically benefit from the shared parental leave provision. My wife works for a large multinational company and earns a fair whack more than I do. Her company has offered her 6 months full pay as part of her maternity package, which is very generous. Therefore, when looking at this logically, my wife should return after 6 months and I should take the following 6 months off (which we have budgeted for). That all seems quite straight forward, except it isn't!

When I suggested this to my wife as the most cost effective way of managing the first year of our sons life, she couldn't have been less interested. Initially I think that she thought I was joking, then when I presented the rational thought behind the situation, her response was something like "I've carried this around with my for 9 months and will be actually giving birth to our child, so I will be having my year off thank you very much". I was fully expecting this and am delighted that we are able to make this choice, but recognise a few points.

1. Employee's don't always understand how shared parental leave works. I now meet with every expectant mother and father that works with us to fully explain it. One that I met with last week knew about shared parental leave but hadn't appreciated that whilst his partner is using accrued annual leave following the end of her leave, he could be off using shared parental leave. Knowledge is power! (this goes for organisations as well - how may do we think are actively promoting this to their staff?)

2. The vast majority of partners that I have spoken to regarding this opportunity have been given a response similar to the one I received.

3.It is very difficult to argue that someone should return to work earlier than they are entitled to, whilst they are pregnant! (I joke). In all seriousness, his isn't a business decision, not one that can be determined by profit/loss balance sheets. This choice is intensely emotional and should be recognised as such.

I'm a new father of a 3 month old and am in the fortunate position of being able to work flexibly. Full time hours over 4 days a week, which is brilliant. 2 weeks fully paid paternity leave, I appreciate that I am fortunate to work somewhere that has supported me in this way, and in an HR Dept that recognises the benefits of doing so.

My main point is surrounding the uptake of shared parental leave and the lack of uptake. I was involved in updating our policies prior to the legislation going live, which was challenging in itself, as we had a member of staff that was intending to make use of this immediately. He satisfied all of the criteria and as the mother of his child was self-employed it made a huge amount of sense. It was good to see that this working, and supporting his new family. Since then, we have had 2 further requests, which is less than I was anticipating.

Let me qualify what I am about to say by making it very clear that I fully appreciate he fortunate situation that I am in.

My family is one that should theoretically benefit from the shared parental leave provision. My wife works for a large multinational company and earns a fair whack more than I do. Her company has offered her 6 months full pay as part of her maternity package, which is very generous. Therefore, when looking at this logically, my wife should return after 6 months and I should take the following 6 months off (which we have budgeted for). That all seems quite straight forward, except it isn't!

When I suggested this to my wife as the most cost effective way of managing the first year of our sons life, she couldn't have been less interested. Initially I think that she thought I was joking, then when I presented the rational thought behind the situation, her response was something like "I've carried this around with my for 9 months and will be actually giving birth to our child, so I will be having my year off thank you very much". I was fully expecting this and am delighted that we are able to make this choice, but recognise a few points.

1. Employee's don't always understand how shared parental leave works. I now meet with every expectant mother and father that works with us to fully explain it. One that I met with last week knew about shared parental leave but hadn't appreciated that whilst his partner is using accrued annual leave following the end of her leave, he could be off using shared parental leave. Knowledge is power! (this goes for organisations as well - how may do we think are actively promoting this to their staff?)

2. The vast majority of partners that I have spoken to regarding this opportunity have been given a response similar to the one I received.

3.It is very difficult to argue that someone should return to work earlier than they are entitled to, whilst they are pregnant! (I joke). In all seriousness, his isn't a business decision, not one that can be determined by profit/loss balance sheets. This choice is intensely emotional and should be recognised as such.

Donald - all I will say is that you (and your wife) shouldn't forget that you can always elect to take shared parental leave later in the first year of maternity leave, as long as you provide at least 8 weeks' notice (IIRC).

I say that only because some working mothers, faced with the burden of 24-hour care for a growing baby, can rapidly discover that the "year off" is harder - physically and mentally - than going back to work!

Speaking to the topic as a whole, though:

a. "Workplace policies have not kept up with the social changes in people's everyday lives,"

b. "At interviews, he was too often asked: "But what is your wife doing? Why isn't your wife picking up the children?"... They found it amazing that a man actually wanted to raise his children."

This is the dichotomy in the workplace and for HR professionals. The fact is that social change is occurring at different rates in different regions, professions, generations and classes. I recently raised the option of Shared Parental Leave with a soon-to-be father and he looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. As far as he (mid-40s white collar professional) was concerned, looking after his children was his wife's job and any man who took time off to change nappies was (a) not a proper man and (b) asking to be fired.

As the experience of the interviewee in the article shows, this is still not an isolated view. The law, in this case, is moving faster than society, but employers' behaviours and attitudes tend to move slower (as we saw in the notorious high heels case at PwC). The reason workplace policies don't keep up is because the pressure on employers to change doesn't really come from government but from their employees - and until employers believe that their policies (really, their attitudes and procedures) present a risk to their ability to recruit, retain and motivate their employees, nothing will happen.