Hi Claire... welcome to the Community and I'm sorry for what is obviously an unsettling time.

I assume any grievance would be for 'bullying'? Is there already an HR dept to speak of (i.e. before you make that internal transition)? You should never ever feel your job is at risk for submitting such a grievance... although I understand the sense that it might.

I'm sure others will come along soon with some advice.

I would NOT put in a grievance at this stage. First deal with it assertively and politely and in private. Be as nice as pie!!

"Sue, when you are rude to me (give examples!), I feel really XXXX. I'd like you to stop. If you do feel it is necessary to criticise/raise your voice./be aggressive then I would like you to do it in private"

The trick is insisting she acknowledges what you say and to avoid her side tracking you or fogging the issue, or blaming you etc., etc., In which case you use the broken record technique well know to millions of children worldwide and their long suffering parents.

Keep repeating your needs/requests until they acknowledge what you want. Start this of with:-

"I hear what you say, but.............(go back to the record)..........

"Mum., I want some sweets"
"No you can't have any"
"Mum, I want some sweets"
"No you can't have any"
"Mum, I want some sweets"
"No you can't have any"
"Mum, I want some sweets"
"No you can't have any"
"Mum, I want some sweets"

"Oh OK, but just this once"

Have a nice weekend.

Hi Claire

I agree with David. Provided you feel able to do this, your best first step is to ask the other person to stop.

The techniques he describes are the sorts of things you would practice in an assertiveness course. Try googling assertiveness and reading up on how to state a case assertively. I would then get someone you trust to roll-play a conversation with you. Try taking both parts and roll-play being the other person as well as yourself.

Who did you report this to and do you know what, if anything, they will do about it?

Oh, and welcome to the community!!

In reply to David Perry:

Yes, welcome, Claire

It is probably not worth risking your future career to try but possibly fail to stop one person’s unpleasantness. If you intend to move into HR, you’ll tend to encounter plenty of conflict and bad feeling - even verbal abuse sometimes. So, as the other David and Elizabeth suggest, maybe best to treat this as a learning exercise in how best to control and personally to cope with such people and situations. It can be scary at first, but knowing that you’re doing the right thing and they’re not and getting accustomed to this kind of situation should make it a lot more tolerable and less distressing for you.

It can seem counter-intuitive that, as HR professionals, when someone outside our field speaks to us about being bullied our immediate (and proper) response is "this is a grievance and must be dealt with as such" but when an HR colleague raises the same issue, our response is "this is a learning opportunity and should not be raised as a grievance".

However, it's the way it is.

If someone comes to us in our professional capacity with a complaint, gripe or whinge about how they are being treated by a colleague, we have an obligation to respond appropriately and in accordance with the law, which means going into "grievance mode" (of course, that doesn't mean we can't still deal with the grievance informally - we should exhaust all informal options before going formal as a matter of good practice).

But when we, ourselves, face such behaviour we are under no such obligation and have the freedom to look at the problem more creatively.

Others who've already posted are correct: we often do our jobs in spite of opposition and hostility and the ability to turn enemies into friends - or, at least, into neutral entities - is an essential skill to anyone who wants to develop and advance within the HR field (tbh, it's an essential skill to anyone who wants to develop and advance in any professional field).

In reply to Robey:

Just to say, Robey, great new pic!

In reply to Robey:

I think we are reacting to Claire's perception that pursuing this formally could put her job at risk.

I like Robey's summary of the situation.

But I think advising Claire to deal with it her self is potentially a learning experience and also a self empowering. You deal with it yourself.

Going and asking someone else to deal with means you rely on others to do things which you could and probably should be able to deal with in this instance with some help which is what I/others offered. OK, if it doesn't get you anywhere then by all means make it formal when you've tried to be assertive.

But I know if I was Claire's manager and she brought the issue to me, one of the first questions I'd ask is, what has she done about it herself?

Perhaps Claire would like to comment on what we've said further?

Dear All,

Thank you so much for your comments. I will taking your excellent advice on board and will update you to how it pans out.

On a separate note, I have been reading all of your comments on other posts for some time now and want to thank you for how much you have taught me on a variety of matters. I have found it interesting and beneficial reading your separate views.

In reply to Claire:

That's good to know, Claire... and good luck!

In reply to Claire:

Thanks for the feedback Claire. So please don't wait so long before you post another query and give us some good feedback.
David.

In reply to David Perry:

It should read 'more good feedback'