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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • Manager had submitted a proposal to senior management to spend a large sum of money and had his proposal knocked back 3 times. Was told to ask me to help him with the structure of his proposal, and proof read it, and help him come up with more than one option for consideration.

    Employee - Thank you for all your help and I am grateful. But it has shown me that I can't write a proposal, I have no ideas of my own, how could you come up with 3 additional options that I hadn't even thought of, I can't write proper sentences with grammar, spelling and punctuation, and I've had it.

    Me: (thinking - you're not wrong mate - hallelujah) but actually said "is there any more help I can give you"

    Employee - Nothing at all, I'm going to jack it in

    Me: (oh yes please, yes please) actually " that's a big decision to make, why not think about it over the weekend and then discuss with XXX (line manager). You would be sorely missed (oh no he won't)

    He thought about it over the weekend, discussed with manager, and has resigned. Oh frabtuous joy!
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  • Manager had submitted a proposal to senior management to spend a large sum of money and had his proposal knocked back 3 times. Was told to ask me to help him with the structure of his proposal, and proof read it, and help him come up with more than one option for consideration.

    Employee - Thank you for all your help and I am grateful. But it has shown me that I can't write a proposal, I have no ideas of my own, how could you come up with 3 additional options that I hadn't even thought of, I can't write proper sentences with grammar, spelling and punctuation, and I've had it.

    Me: (thinking - you're not wrong mate - hallelujah) but actually said "is there any more help I can give you"

    Employee - Nothing at all, I'm going to jack it in

    Me: (oh yes please, yes please) actually " that's a big decision to make, why not think about it over the weekend and then discuss with XXX (line manager). You would be sorely missed (oh no he won't)

    He thought about it over the weekend, discussed with manager, and has resigned. Oh frabtuous joy!
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