• Replies 231 replies
  • Subscribers 3 subscribers
  • Views 55599 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related

Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • At the other end of the spectrum to the one I started this thread off with, I had a field-based, salaried employee call me because he hadn't been given any sites to visit until 11.30am (normally they are on site from 9am or earlier). He wanted to know if he was still going to be paid for sitting at home with nothing to do.

    Please bear in mind that this is a *salaried* employee.

    What I said was: "If you were to work fewer than your contracted weekly hours in a week, we would still pay you for a full week; if this happens in future, you're welcome to call your LM and tell him that you're doing tools maintenance or administration with your time, but you don't get overtime for sitting at home."

    What I wanted say was: "No, you moron, we don't pay you to sit on your **** and do nothing!"

    In a fun twist, he called me while I was in the middle of preparing a disciplinary report for an allegation against him of gross misconduct relating to... the false reporting of working time!
Reply
  • At the other end of the spectrum to the one I started this thread off with, I had a field-based, salaried employee call me because he hadn't been given any sites to visit until 11.30am (normally they are on site from 9am or earlier). He wanted to know if he was still going to be paid for sitting at home with nothing to do.

    Please bear in mind that this is a *salaried* employee.

    What I said was: "If you were to work fewer than your contracted weekly hours in a week, we would still pay you for a full week; if this happens in future, you're welcome to call your LM and tell him that you're doing tools maintenance or administration with your time, but you don't get overtime for sitting at home."

    What I wanted say was: "No, you moron, we don't pay you to sit on your **** and do nothing!"

    In a fun twist, he called me while I was in the middle of preparing a disciplinary report for an allegation against him of gross misconduct relating to... the false reporting of working time!
Children
  • in reply to Robey
    Is it just me?

    What I said (via email, because he won't answer his phone) "You really need to get in touch to discuss what happened to your vehicle today."

    What I wanted to say "You swore at one road user before ploughing into another, abandoned your vehicle and fled the scene leaving behind your drug paraphernalia, your counterpart driving license and about £3000 in parts and equipment. I can't even *start* to tell you how fired you are."
  • in reply to Robey
    Now, now, Robey: Don't be pre-emptive. He might have had a hard day, poor lamb.....

    (….and it's o.k. I can imagine what things you would want to say in reply to anyone (really) making that argument.....).