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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • "Please don't offend my intelligence by telling me you were 'sick' on the day after a work party. I find it disrespectful to be taken for a credulous fool. Tell me the truth and apologise profusely. That's marginally better. Or, best of all, drag yourself in even if you have to lurch to the khazi every 20 minutes to throw up. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time."
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  • "Please don't offend my intelligence by telling me you were 'sick' on the day after a work party. I find it disrespectful to be taken for a credulous fool. Tell me the truth and apologise profusely. That's marginally better. Or, best of all, drag yourself in even if you have to lurch to the khazi every 20 minutes to throw up. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time."
Children
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