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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • This is a good one for a Friday afternoon. So many examples, but here is a recent one.

    Ex employee. The problem is I can't get another job because you keep putting in the reference that I was dismissed and I had a poor sickness record.

    What I wanted to say: Are you F***** surprised with a record like yours you were lucky we kept you on for so long, I'm not surprised no one else wants to take on such a disruptive and lazy work shy individual.

    What I actually said: I'm sorry to hear that, perhaps you should consider doing some voluntary work in the meantime and enhancing your CV with some positive work experiences.
  • in reply to Jon
    Or not asking us for a reference!

    Thanks, Jon. It's to your credit that you're even taking the call.
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