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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • We have had an employee who won't talk to his team as he feels it's a stressful environment and his team don't like him. Needless to say we've offered mediation and help to get the issues out on the table. Employee refuses any support "it's not my problem it's a management and HR problem so you sort it!"
  • in reply to Helen
    Me : This letter is a Final Written Warning about your unacceptable conduct. Do you understand the seriousness of this ?
    Employee : Yes, and by the way, I deserve a pay rise.
  • in reply to Andrew James
    I seem to have a lot of these. Do I really work with a higher proportion of idiots than other HR professionals? To be fair, these all come from the same group of notoriously difficult employees...

    Employee (redundant, but refusing to come to the office with his equipment): I'm entitled to keep my van until the end of my notice period.
    Me: ...
    Me: You're really not.

    This conversation went on for some time and as a masterclass in someone in a hole, yet determined to keep digging, it was weirdly fascinating.
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  • in reply to Andrew James
    I seem to have a lot of these. Do I really work with a higher proportion of idiots than other HR professionals? To be fair, these all come from the same group of notoriously difficult employees...

    Employee (redundant, but refusing to come to the office with his equipment): I'm entitled to keep my van until the end of my notice period.
    Me: ...
    Me: You're really not.

    This conversation went on for some time and as a masterclass in someone in a hole, yet determined to keep digging, it was weirdly fascinating.
Children
  • in reply to Robey
    Ummmmm...... Maybe.

    If he was dismissed with notice, rather than dismissal with PILON (PILON being compensation for the employer's breach of contract in not giving notice, not pay), then his contract terms would continue to apply: So if his contract offers off-duty use of the van as a benefit (i.e. part of his payment) then he would be entitled to its use to the end of his notice.

    (Sorry, hair-splitting I know, but it's what I do) :-)

    P