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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • My personal favourite!

    "I work all hours of the day clearing up their mess, I deserve more than they have given me, I can walk into any job tomorrow for 10k more!"

    What I want to say

    "yes you do work all hours but mainly clearing up the mess you have made, if it were up to me you wouldn't have had a pay increase let alone 5% and if you can get 10k more., WHY ARE YOU HERE!!"

    What I did say

    I understand your frustrations about working the hours you do, is there something we can do to support you. Do you think perhaps a course on Time Management would be useful to you and your team? The pay increase is set based on the annual profits of the entire company and cannot be adjusted at HR level.

    We value your commitment to the business and would not want to see you go, if you feel that you not be compensated correctly let's arrange for a discussion with our compensation and benefits manager to go over the Hay Grading of your role...

    Smile sweetly and offer the biscuit he has been staring at for 15 mins...

    A day in the life.....
  • in reply to Amanda
    I agree that unfortunately you can not respond to someone who says they could earn more elsewhere to go and do so, but I wouldn't say that we didn't want to see them go unless that was true. My usual response is something along the lines of "that would be your your decision". If I have a good idea that someone's work is not great, I'd rather ask them why they think it takes them so long to get their work done than spend company money on training that isn't really needed. I don't provide biscuits.

    Amanda, I hesitated before typing this as you have only posted 8 times. I hope you'll keep posting and we can disagree with each other respectfully. I think we may disagree fairly fundamentally about the purpose of HR but I also think that there other people who have contributed to this thread - and what a great thread it has been - who would be more in tune with you than with me.
  • in reply to Elizabeth Divver

    @ Elizabeth and Amanda
    On a couple of occasions in my career I've actually told people that if they feel they can get 25% in another company, then they really ought to give it serious consideration. One occasion was when I was working near Calais, and the (very compentent) young tax manager regularly complained that if he returned to work in Paris he would earn at least 30% more. I agreed with him, but reminded him that the 40 hour week he put in with us would become a 70+ hour week working with a major law firm, that the quality time he had with his young family would certainly disappear, and that the very large house with massive grounds that he had in a low-cost regional city would have to be exchanged for a relatively small appartment. At the end of the day he did actually leave - but it was 7 years later, when the children were older.....

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  • in reply to Elizabeth Divver

    @ Elizabeth and Amanda
    On a couple of occasions in my career I've actually told people that if they feel they can get 25% in another company, then they really ought to give it serious consideration. One occasion was when I was working near Calais, and the (very compentent) young tax manager regularly complained that if he returned to work in Paris he would earn at least 30% more. I agreed with him, but reminded him that the 40 hour week he put in with us would become a 70+ hour week working with a major law firm, that the quality time he had with his young family would certainly disappear, and that the very large house with massive grounds that he had in a low-cost regional city would have to be exchanged for a relatively small appartment. At the end of the day he did actually leave - but it was 7 years later, when the children were older.....

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