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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • I can't believe I have another one!

    Employee: "You're infringing my human rights! You're resorting to double-speak to try and cover up what you're doing! I don't know how you sleep at night! It's outrageous! It's illegal! I'm not doing it! You can't make me!"
    (can you hear the toys being thrown out of the pram???)

    Me (out loud): "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we are asking every employee to provide a head and shoulders photo for use as an internal ID picture, otherwise we will ask you to have one taken at work. This is compliant with data protection regulations because we are careful to balance individual privacy with the needs of the business. We have over 150 employees so no, I don't agree that 'everyone should just know who you are'."

    Me (internally): believe me, everyone probably does 'know who you are', because you throw tantrums like this.
Reply
  • I can't believe I have another one!

    Employee: "You're infringing my human rights! You're resorting to double-speak to try and cover up what you're doing! I don't know how you sleep at night! It's outrageous! It's illegal! I'm not doing it! You can't make me!"
    (can you hear the toys being thrown out of the pram???)

    Me (out loud): "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we are asking every employee to provide a head and shoulders photo for use as an internal ID picture, otherwise we will ask you to have one taken at work. This is compliant with data protection regulations because we are careful to balance individual privacy with the needs of the business. We have over 150 employees so no, I don't agree that 'everyone should just know who you are'."

    Me (internally): believe me, everyone probably does 'know who you are', because you throw tantrums like this.
Children
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