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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • I actually told someone recently in a meeting that I don't have a time machine. This guy kept complaining about something that happened in the past, before my time. When I ask him what resolution he wanted, he just kept repeating what happened. Not my finest moment, but I really was at the end of my tether having asked him about 10 times what we could do to resolve the matter, other than the long list of things that have already been done!!

    On a daily basis I want to say "you are f****** kidding me" - but I dont :)
  • in reply to Lesley
    I've said the same (more than once!). I've also mentioned many times that I don't have a crystal ball either.
  • in reply to Laura Ann
    I too have told someone that surprisingly enough our HR qualification doesn't teach us psychic powers and that I am not a mind reader.

    My most recent case of what I want to say vs what I do actually say, has been over the last week. We've had an employee come to us with a print out of an "offer" he's received from a competitor for a substantial amount more than we are paying him asking us to match it if we want him to stay.

    What we wanted to say was - Well for one thing that letter has clearly be doctored, that company does not send out offers looking like that. But please do accept it, and find out that you're not as hard up here as you think you are.

    What was actually said was - It will be a shame to loose you, but unfortunately we're not able to match this or review your salary at the current time due to your ongoing probationary period in your new promotion.

    Said employee is now currently sulking and has yet to tell us if he is accepting this offer or staying put. We're leaving them to it.
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  • in reply to Laura Ann
    I too have told someone that surprisingly enough our HR qualification doesn't teach us psychic powers and that I am not a mind reader.

    My most recent case of what I want to say vs what I do actually say, has been over the last week. We've had an employee come to us with a print out of an "offer" he's received from a competitor for a substantial amount more than we are paying him asking us to match it if we want him to stay.

    What we wanted to say was - Well for one thing that letter has clearly be doctored, that company does not send out offers looking like that. But please do accept it, and find out that you're not as hard up here as you think you are.

    What was actually said was - It will be a shame to loose you, but unfortunately we're not able to match this or review your salary at the current time due to your ongoing probationary period in your new promotion.

    Said employee is now currently sulking and has yet to tell us if he is accepting this offer or staying put. We're leaving them to it.
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