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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • I would love a pound for everytime I've heard of someone saying "I'll take this to HR"

    HR doesn't exist to represent you, it exists to represent the Company!

    (Professional or otherwise, I've actually said it on many occasions)
  • in reply to Robert James Munro
    Last week it was one of the teams in the office turn to keep the kitchen tidy.

    Her: Can you show me how to use the dishwasher?
    Me: Put a tablet it and turn it on.
    Her: Can you show me where the dishwasher tablets are?
    Me: There they are under the sink with the rest of the cleaning products.

    Next day....
    Dishes filthy in dishwasher. Upon investigation, tablet still in dishwasher IN WRAPPER

    What I wanted to say...You're over 30 years old and still don't realise how to unwrap a dishwasher tablet?

    What I actually said (to the whole team): Who put the dishwasher on last night? Oh ok, well you need to take the tablet out of the wrapper first or the dishes will still be dirty.
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  • in reply to Robert James Munro
    Last week it was one of the teams in the office turn to keep the kitchen tidy.

    Her: Can you show me how to use the dishwasher?
    Me: Put a tablet it and turn it on.
    Her: Can you show me where the dishwasher tablets are?
    Me: There they are under the sink with the rest of the cleaning products.

    Next day....
    Dishes filthy in dishwasher. Upon investigation, tablet still in dishwasher IN WRAPPER

    What I wanted to say...You're over 30 years old and still don't realise how to unwrap a dishwasher tablet?

    What I actually said (to the whole team): Who put the dishwasher on last night? Oh ok, well you need to take the tablet out of the wrapper first or the dishes will still be dirty.
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