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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • Pay related comments really bring out the best responses to this thread, don't they!?

    Employee: I really think I deserve a pay rise.
    Me: Why's that then?
    Employee: Because I like my job and I get on well with the people here.
    Me: That's not really anything in addition or different to your existing role, is it?

    Not so much 'what did I want to say' more 'the face I wanted to pull'!
Reply
  • Pay related comments really bring out the best responses to this thread, don't they!?

    Employee: I really think I deserve a pay rise.
    Me: Why's that then?
    Employee: Because I like my job and I get on well with the people here.
    Me: That's not really anything in addition or different to your existing role, is it?

    Not so much 'what did I want to say' more 'the face I wanted to pull'!
Children
  • in reply to Alys Martin
    It is interesting as a reward lead that I have to have so many of these conversations, but 9 times out of 10 people have no appreciation of how a business transaction of employing someone for pay works and come up with reasons such as:

    "I deserve a pay rise"

    Why?

    - Because I am sick and tired of saving pennies and I want to live big
    - Because I have 4 kids
    - Because I am 30 and still earn £20k and my family say I'm worth more (very unhelpful when their family are feeding into their feeling of worthlessness and they take it out on me)
    - Because I want to travel
    - Because I've been here a while a feel I deserve it (5 months+)
    - Because I saw you advertised another job in a different team and it paid £3k more
    - Because I am ambitious
    - Because I want more money
    - I know if you gave a pay rise to everyone who asks we'd go bust *lovely moment of alleged appreciation of the situation* but make an exception for me
    - Bob got more so I need more, too
    - Here is a random job advert with the same job title I have but paying £30k more - that's why
  • in reply to Maria
    Maria, that has completely mirrored a couple of conversations I've had lately! After pointing out that the random job advert they'd brandished at me was for a much bigger company in a very lucrative industry where they would be managing a big team and handling a much bigger budget, they did acknowledge that it probably wasn't a fair comparison. :)