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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • What I would like to say - Your laziness and inability to fill in a simple form is now going to cost hours of mine and payrolls time to back date deductions, pay increases and paperwork not to mention the conversations with inevitably p****d off staff because you 'forgot' to tell us someone had stepped down and you'd 'promoted' another staff member for 4 MONTHS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. And now you also expect me to keep a straight face when you complain that staff feedback says that the recruitment process is unfair and you cherry pick people for promotions without advertising them?!

    What I do say - Ok we will sort it but please follow the process in future, it's there to protect you.

    *Bonus points for managers who do this and it turns out the person they 'promoted' is a family member
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  • What I would like to say - Your laziness and inability to fill in a simple form is now going to cost hours of mine and payrolls time to back date deductions, pay increases and paperwork not to mention the conversations with inevitably p****d off staff because you 'forgot' to tell us someone had stepped down and you'd 'promoted' another staff member for 4 MONTHS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. And now you also expect me to keep a straight face when you complain that staff feedback says that the recruitment process is unfair and you cherry pick people for promotions without advertising them?!

    What I do say - Ok we will sort it but please follow the process in future, it's there to protect you.

    *Bonus points for managers who do this and it turns out the person they 'promoted' is a family member
Children
  • in reply to Claire
    20 years in HR and I never thought this could even be possible.This is so wrong on so many levels and I can certainly understand your frustration. But if there were a specific policy, process flow and authorization matrix in place for promotions, it would deter this from happening. A promotion is normally based on/in line with the budgeted annual manpower planning, any proposal for promotion must be circulated on a form and submitted by line manager with a small justification to their request, checked by Finance (checks it's budgeted) and by HR (confirm it's within the manpower planning and check the last performance appraisal result) and finally signed off by company head. Also, promotions should be tentatively done at a certain time of the year after the performance appraisals are completed. With these in place, this should never happen.
  • in reply to Claire
    This happens a lot at our place unfortunately, some managers are good and understand why we have a process and they will follow it, but others don't seem to bother and we get exactly what you describe.