Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

Parents
  • We have a policy of giving feedback to candidates who are unsuccessful at interviews if they request it. Having recently gone through a number of interviews, I, as requested, provided feedback to one unsuccessful applicant, who when asked to do a presentation had effectively read a very dull script to us.

    Me:
    ..........We did feel that the presentation was perhaps an opportunity missed for you - we'd deliberately left the brief wide open to give candidates the opportunity to sell whatever product they wanted to us as a supplier, and demonstrate to us how they would interact with a new or prospective customer. Whilst we could see why you chose to present the topic that you did, we felt that it was a little forced in that you read your notes to us, and that instead of using the time to get to know the customer, you instead focused on the information that you wanted to get across..........

    Candidate:
    I'm a little puzzled at the feedback with regards to the presentation. I was under the impression I needed to make a case why a retailer would be a good avenue as a supplier, not that I needed to sell anything.If that had been clearer then of course I would have acted accordingly. If I had been told this when I started then I could have reacted immediately and professionally. I feel I have been denied an opportunity because of a Badly worded brief.

    What I wanted to say: 'You chose a topic that had nothing to do with the brief that you were given, which by the way was so broadly worded that you can have pretty much sold us air and it would have fitted. Your presentation style was so incredibly dull that the 10 minutes that you were allotted felt like 10 hours, and by the way not one other person found difficulty understanding the brief, or coming up with something at least relevant. Oh, and seeing at the feedback for the rest of the interview was along the same lines, I really don't think the presentation was the biggest problem, do you?'

    What I said: 'I'm sorry that you found the brief difficult. I am not aware of other candidates having the same difficulty, but we do appreciate the feedback as it allows us to ensure that our recruitment process remains fair for all in the future'.
  • "You're just *dull*. Had you considered a job in finance?" ;)
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