I need happy thoughts in these nasty times... - Feedback - Community Feedback

63 I need happy thoughts in these nasty times...

Teresa | 0 Posts

19 Mar, 2020 19:56

OK, I’ve had enough of the ‘C’ word! I want to smile again and not feel totally stressed out for just a few minutes.

Tell me a joke...

I’ll start.

Q: Why do Sweden, Norway, and Denmark put bar codes on all their ships?

A: So they can scan-de-navy-in...

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Robey | 0 Posts

19 Mar, 2020 20:45

The Germans are stockpiling sausage and cheese against the Wurst Käse scenario. The Greeks, meanwhile, are stockpiling hummus and taramasalata in case of a double-dip recession. But the sensible Dutch are only stockpiling toilet paper and weed for sh*ts and giggles. ;)
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Lisa | 0 Posts

19 Mar, 2020 23:50

My husband is leaving me because of my obsession with Barcelona FC. I can see a Messi divorce ahead.

My husband and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. And they're off!!!

My husband is leaving me because of my obsession with soap operas. But will he really leave me? Find out next week.
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Rosie | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 09:24

I bought a dog from a blacksmith.

When I got home, he made a bolt for the door
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Owen | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 09:33

In reply to Lisa:
William Shakespeare walked into a tavern. The barmaid takes one look at him and says, 'get out, you're bard'.
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Ray | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 09:54

In reply to Owen:
A man walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!!!". It was an iron bar.......
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Owen | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 10:09

In reply to Ray:
What do you call a man with a shovel?

Doug.

What do you call a man without a shovel?

Douglas.
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Cat Jones | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 10:18

I’ve started a side business in these difficult times. It is a dating site for chickens. I know it isn't HR work, I’m just trying to make hens meet.
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Ray | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 10:21

In reply to Owen:
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?

Sir....
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Ray | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 10:24

In reply to Ray:
What do you all a deer with no eyes? No "eye"-dea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs - still no "eye"-dea

There's another in the series but probably not suitable for these pages. It starts with :
What do you call a deer with no eyes,no legs and no naughty parts? I'll leave the rest to your imagination...
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Annabel | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 11:02

In reply to Ray:
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
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Owen | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 11:26

In reply to Annabel:
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.
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Nicola | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 11:35

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know....
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Lisa | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 11:45

I was in the local curry house and fainted when I heard REM had split up. That's me in the korma.
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Stacey | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 12:00

Stolen from Twitter:

Which composer is likely to catch the Coronavirus?

Dry Cough Ski
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Eric Brown | 0 Posts

20 Mar, 2020 15:09

In reply to Owen:
A Scot without a canine frield can also be called Douglas.
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