I need happy thoughts in these nasty times...

My husband is leaving me because of my obsession with Barcelona FC. I can see a Messi divorce ahead.

My husband and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. And they're off!!!

My husband is leaving me because of my obsession with soap operas. But will he really leave me? Find out next week.

William Shakespeare walked into a tavern. The barmaid takes one look at him and says, 'get out, you're bard'.

A man walks into a bar. He says "Ouch!!!". It was an iron bar.......

What do you call a man with a shovel?

Doug.

What do you call a man without a shovel?

Douglas.

What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?

Sir....

What do you all a deer with no eyes? No "eye"-dea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs - still no "eye"-dea

There's another in the series but probably not suitable for these pages. It starts with :
What do you call a deer with no eyes,no legs and no naughty parts? I'll leave the rest to your imagination...

What do you all a deer with no eyes? No "eye"-dea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs - still no "eye"-dea

There's another in the series but probably not suitable for these pages. It starts with :
What do you call a deer with no eyes,no legs and no naughty parts? I'll leave the rest to your imagination...

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.