Employee using in-appropriate word in daily conversations with his colleagues

Hi Shweta,

Having taught in a boys' school for many years I know how this word can be so overused and so uncomfortable to hear.

Firstly, as Keith says, is he actually using it as a swear word or is it just his way of speaking. There is a difference in how you approach the two. If he is actually swearing this could indicate personal issues and will need more careful handling. It may be that the job is beyond his ability and he's losing control, he could have anger management issues, he could be frustrated, or he could be having a personal crisis such as separation from his wife. Dealing with the personal issue should then solve the swearing problem.

If it's just the way he speaks, which is the most common reason these days, it is more difficult. Think of your language - given your organisation you probably use the term 'web based' a lot. Now imagine you had to conduct your daily life without saying this phrase. Difficult, isn't it? It would take a lot of conscious re-learning. How you do this depends on your relationship with him, and the culture of the company; if everyone's doing it then you're facing an uphill struggle.

I found the way to dramatically reduce it (you'll never stop it) was to explain the origins of the word. In Medeaval Europe (including England) there was a feudal right called 'Droit du seigneur' - the right of the Lord. This was where the Lord of the manor had the right to sleep with the bride of any one of his vassals on the first night after the wedding. This was colloquially known as *** - Fornication Under Consent of the King. I have yet to come across a male who isn't horrified by the idea when the origins are explained to him, and consequently then finds the word very distasteful and avoids using it.

A caveat: I am usually very pedantic in researching my facts, so I have to admit that with this I haven't researched it too deeply because, to be honest, I find it far too useful. Were it to be proved false I couldn't then use it with a clear conscience. It sounds logical and plausible, so in this instance that's good enough for me.

Next time he uses it, just as an aside say "Do you know where that word comes from?" and explain the story. Don't make it a big deal, it's just another piece of information. Making it a big deal gives the word power.

Good luck!

Hi Teresa

Are you not worried that one of these days you will try this technique on someone who will tell you that your derivation is incorrect? Then what will you do?

I'm with Robey: you are much more likely to effect this situation if you can demonstrate a negative effect on the business.

Hi Teresa

Are you not worried that one of these days you will try this technique on someone who will tell you that your derivation is incorrect? Then what will you do?

I'm with Robey: you are much more likely to effect this situation if you can demonstrate a negative effect on the business.

Hi Elizabeth,

It's never happened yet! If someone starts regularly swearing, without due cause, I will always initially respond with "Language..." delivered with a smile and a pointed look - my Paddington Bear special. If this doesn't work then I'll start with my Droit du Seigneur 'fact'. To date this has been enough (and yes Robey et al, I have already admitted here that it's incorrect, but as with all good urban myths it's perfectly logical).

Were anyone ever to challenge me with the truth I'm ready. I would reply with congratulations on being the first to do so (assuming of course that what they were saying was, in fact, the real truth). I would then ask why someone who was obviously erudite and educated felt the need to use such a dysphemism on a regular basis. However you have to have full confidence in yourself in order to appear genuinely interested and concerned.

I still think that with something like this a nudge is the best approach. Swearing like this is something that is ingrained in him, it's part of his psyche, so he must want to change it. Thayler & Sunsteins book 'Nudge' (2008) puts it like this: 'A nudge, as we will use the term, is any aspect of the choice architecture that alters people's behavior in a predictable way without forbidding any options or significantly changing their economic incentives. To count as a mere nudge, the intervention must be easy and cheap to avoid. Nudges are not mandates. Putting fruit at eye level counts as a nudge. Banning junk food does not.'

But, at the end of the day I am not in the situation that started off this thread. It may well not work here or with this person, but I can't know this. All anyone can do is suggest what has worked for them in the past; whether this will work for someone else is up to that person to decide once they've read all the options listed here.