Employee using in-appropriate word in daily conversations with his colleagues

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Its a word that sadly some people now use as almost punctuation in conversation

You could/should have a word with the individual letting them know you are uncomfortable with the constant use of that word and asking them to stop using it.

It will then come down to two things (1) if he can actually or if its so ingrained into his lexicon that he will continue to use it unless constantly and repeatedly reminded. and (2) What the attitude of your wider management team is.

Hi Shweta,

Having taught in a boys' school for many years I know how this word can be so overused and so uncomfortable to hear.

Firstly, as Keith says, is he actually using it as a swear word or is it just his way of speaking. There is a difference in how you approach the two. If he is actually swearing this could indicate personal issues and will need more careful handling. It may be that the job is beyond his ability and he's losing control, he could have anger management issues, he could be frustrated, or he could be having a personal crisis such as separation from his wife. Dealing with the personal issue should then solve the swearing problem.

If it's just the way he speaks, which is the most common reason these days, it is more difficult. Think of your language - given your organisation you probably use the term 'web based' a lot. Now imagine you had to conduct your daily life without saying this phrase. Difficult, isn't it? It would take a lot of conscious re-learning. How you do this depends on your relationship with him, and the culture of the company; if everyone's doing it then you're facing an uphill struggle.

I found the way to dramatically reduce it (you'll never stop it) was to explain the origins of the word. In Medeaval Europe (including England) there was a feudal right called 'Droit du seigneur' - the right of the Lord. This was where the Lord of the manor had the right to sleep with the bride of any one of his vassals on the first night after the wedding. This was colloquially known as *** - Fornication Under Consent of the King. I have yet to come across a male who isn't horrified by the idea when the origins are explained to him, and consequently then finds the word very distasteful and avoids using it.

A caveat: I am usually very pedantic in researching my facts, so I have to admit that with this I haven't researched it too deeply because, to be honest, I find it far too useful. Were it to be proved false I couldn't then use it with a clear conscience. It sounds logical and plausible, so in this instance that's good enough for me.

Next time he uses it, just as an aside say "Do you know where that word comes from?" and explain the story. Don't make it a big deal, it's just another piece of information. Making it a big deal gives the word power.

Good luck!

Thankyou for your advise. I have seen our CEO using it couple of times in quarterly business reviews. Do you think it could be influenced from there?

Hi Shweta,

This is one of those situations where being the target gets in the way of objective thought.

If another employee came to you with this concern you would have no hesitation in asking the offending employee to tone it down - after all the company has an obligation to provide a working environment that is not hostile and the language being used can still be reasonably considered 'hostile' even if it's use is increasing.

Can you raise this with the employee's manager and ask them to deal with it? You don't have to reveal that it is you that is raising the complaint. You could simply say that a complaint has been raised.

If you don't get any joy with that approach could your manager support you?

If this person know their language was causing offence they may be horrified and stop using it - or at least pull themselves up and apologise when they do.

If it really is intolerable and the informal approach fails you could consider raising a grievance which would force the issue due to the obligation to provide a working environment that is not hostile, etc.

I wish you luck

Debi

Thanks a lot Teresa. This is starting to make so much sense. Really appreciate you taking time out and helping me in this :). I will start to use that approach and see how it goes.

Thankyou so much !, yes I was thinking on the similar lines initially but wasnt sure if my approach was right. I think sometimes we need re-assurance that we are taking the right steps :). Thankyou for taking out time and responding.

If the CEO uses it then it will be far harder to eradicate. The shadow of the leader plays a large role here.

I am not convinced personally that explaining the etymology of the particular word will make that much difference but i suppose anything is worth a try.

@Keith & Teresa
Whist it's an amusing story I remain highly skeptical about the etymology - more likely it finds its roots in the old German "***" (to f***) or old Dutch "fokken" (to breed)....

I'm with Keith and Ray on this one. The objective is to relay the cause and effect of using inappropriate language, and in order for the message to get through it needs to be delivered clearly and assertively. Adding history - as interesting as it may be - might undermine the importance of this exercise so personally I wouldn't include it in the conversation.

Hi Keith,

Oh absolutely, as Dutch is a Germanic language it's almost certain they're from the same origin. I am usually pedantic in researching my facts, but as I said earlier I have deliberately not researched it too deeply because, to be honest, I find it far too useful. It sounds logical and plausible, so in this instance that's good enough for me - might as well make an 'urban myth' work for it's money :)