• Replies 231 replies
  • Subscribers 3 subscribers
  • Views 55420 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related

Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

  • Manager had submitted a proposal to senior management to spend a large sum of money and had his proposal knocked back 3 times. Was told to ask me to help him with the structure of his proposal, and proof read it, and help him come up with more than one option for consideration.

    Employee - Thank you for all your help and I am grateful. But it has shown me that I can't write a proposal, I have no ideas of my own, how could you come up with 3 additional options that I hadn't even thought of, I can't write proper sentences with grammar, spelling and punctuation, and I've had it.

    Me: (thinking - you're not wrong mate - hallelujah) but actually said "is there any more help I can give you"

    Employee - Nothing at all, I'm going to jack it in

    Me: (oh yes please, yes please) actually " that's a big decision to make, why not think about it over the weekend and then discuss with XXX (line manager). You would be sorely missed (oh no he won't)

    He thought about it over the weekend, discussed with manager, and has resigned. Oh frabtuous joy!
  • in reply to Robert James Munro

    Most of the comments on this thread so far refer to perceptions of 'performance'. In these cases, HR would not obstruct what managers feel is in the best interests of their teams or the business as a whole. But we know from these forums that sometimes those who work in HR are put in questionable (i.e. unethical) situations. That's when decisions need to be made.

  • Things I have wanted to say:

    'Please leave. Leave now.' and 'If you don't like it so much, why are you here'?

    Also: 'If you could earn so much more at XXXLtd, why don't you go there'?


    Like David, I have been required to be the acceptable face of a hard to accept decision. One example from way back in my career: we wrote to all staff to say we wanted to withdraw the system of automatic annual pay increments but guaranteed that if they agreed to this they would get a pay rise next year of no less that the RPI. And the next year we couldn't afford the pay increase. And it was me who had to tell them. There was a lesson to all concerned on using the words "we guarantee".

  • in reply to Ray
    I’m from HR; I’m here to help you.
  • Many, many times I've wanted to say the following:

    'don't be so ridiculous. Grow up!'
    'You are joking' (normally when making redundancies and someone asks for a payrise'.
    'We pay you for your skills not for the number of children you have' (OK i might have actually said this one, when someone felt they deserved a rise as they had 6 children).

    And my favorite:

    'Let it go' OK I've probably said this a few times also. But in my head I'm singing it, Queen Elsa style.

    I actually feel quite better for writing on this thread!
  • Am I wrong to admit that one more than one occasion I may have been heard to tell employees 'whoever told you life was fair?'

    Trust me, much better that than what my inner devil told me to say!

    #wearehumantoo
  • "It isn't my decision that you can't wear shorts in the non-airconditioned, non-client facing office with an otherwise very modern attitude to things. I really want to wear them too. I'm sweating like (some vaguely offensive analogy) in my corner of the office. It is the out of touch directors that work from home 3 days per week who aren't letting you. By the way, just wear a skirt. It would be illegal to stop you."

    But it comes out of my mouth as:
    "There are office standards that needed to be upheld and they are laid out in the HR Handbook"

    Although I have mentioned the skirt thing to the gents, no one has taken it on just yet.
  • Having come from a background where the industry we worked in actually helped save lives, I tend to roll my eyes a bit (lot) where people are being a bit (lot) precious. It tends to be over things like facilities and benefits/pay where in context they're extremely good but people get complacent....then they go elsewhere and realise what they've thrown away and ask to come back!
  • At a previous job I was constantly having to bang on about social media policy. I bit my tongue so many times. There was one individual who just didn't get it, much to the despair of his colleagues who had to help him in the numerous sessions we did. Once we all got made redundant I took great pleasure in telling him to "foxtrot Oscar" on Facebook. My most liked comment to date.