Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional... - General - Our Profession

231 Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey | 0 Posts

6 Jul, 2018 11:01

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

43613 views

Peter | 0 Posts

31 Jul, 2018 21:18

Apropos of nothing: Anyone share with me the appreciation of what a wonderful resource this Community is; where serious professionals can debate professional ethics, the personal frustrations of their roles, the practicalities of creating and preparing Job-descriptions and person specifications, and the extinction of Unicorns, all at the same time?

If flexibility of thought is a professional asset: We have it here in spades.

P
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Steve Bridger | 0 Posts

Community Manager

31 Jul, 2018 21:48

In reply to Peter:

I’m on my holidays but couldn’t help noticing this! 100% agree, Peter :)
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Lisa J | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 14:15

In reply to Peter:
What? Wait? unicorns are extinct?
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Peter | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 15:37

In reply to Lisa J:
No! Not at all Lisa. Don't fret! It is only the Bushy-tailed Unicorn that may be extinct!

They are (were?) a sub-species of the "Feathered" Unicorn (see above), but flew faster that the feathered variety, so as they grew their body-feathers migrated to the tip of the tail due to the increased slipstream of air rushing past.

Unfortunately they became critically endangered during the Victorian period when (like many exotic species) they were hunted to near-extinction for their exotic tails, which made perfect feather-dusters for use by housemaids, and were believed to have magic-powers when flicked at passing cinders and soot-smuts (common at the time). Indeed it is rumoured that Mary Poppins' famous ability to fly was not due to a magic umbrella at all, but to her brandishing of a Bushy-tailed Unicorn's tail (which would look similar from a distance) later changed in books and on film to an umbrella to avoid environmental criticism.

But Unicorns are still very much with us; ask my Grandchildren. They're just very good at hiding from grown-ups unless we close our eyes, suspend disbelief, and remember where to find them.......

P
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Ray | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 16:59

In reply to Peter:
@ Peter
In her beautiful song "Solo", the late, great Sandy Denny sang "I've always kept a unicorn", so we have clear documentary evidence that they were still around in the late 1970s
:-)
PS Peter, as a guitar affecionado, I'm sure you'll appreciate Jerry Donohue's work on that track - soaring telecaster through a twin reverb!
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Peter | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 17:11

In reply to Ray:
Indeed so, Ray. I had forgotten all about that one, thank you for the reminder!

...Now what did I do with those headphones and my pick....
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Sharon Lesley | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 17:15

In reply to Peter:
Peter its a worry knowing all that you have helped with on the community breaking down some issues clearly, I can hear myself saying well it must be true, Peter said so.

Lisa - Unicorns are still around, they are the mass producers of glitter!
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Peter | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 17:27

In reply to Sharon Lesley:
Oh, Sharon! I only agreed the Bushy-tailed Unicorn "might" be extinct, and I am quite certain other species are in good health and everywhere we don't look. I am touched by your appreciation of my explanations on site, but would certainly not wish to imply that Unicorns are no more. As long as there is love in the world there will be unicorns to spread it....and the glitter.

One might just as easily say there is no Father Christmas!
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Lisa J | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 18:06

In reply to Peter:
I live on the beautiful Isle of Man, the place of fynoderees, fairies and Mannanin ... Ellan Vannin is the home of all things beautiful... where Unicorns and Father Christmas live quietly and safely with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny in our many glens, protected by the Moddey Dhoo.
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Steve Bridger | 0 Posts

Community Manager

2 Aug, 2018 22:54

In reply to Peter:
You see what happens when I’m on holiday!

Is this some sort of fantastical pitch for the return of the Christmas caption competition?
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Peter | 0 Posts

2 Aug, 2018 23:04

In reply to Steve Bridger:
Well, since you brought it up, Steve...... :-)
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Teresa | 0 Posts

3 Aug, 2018 09:29

In reply to Peter:

Peter: “...close our eyes, suspend disbelief, and remember where to find them...”. Sorry, are we still on unicorns or back to employees?
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Peter | 0 Posts

3 Aug, 2018 10:46

In reply to Teresa:
I was thinking of Unicorns, but there are distinct similarities. If I may reach back into musical associations such as those Ray mentioned earlier; the hunt for either Unicorns or perfect candidates to fill a given job description being an expedition also very well described in a song. It is one:

"....Never ending or beginning on an ever spinning reel,
As the images unwind, like the circles that you find,
In the windmills of your mind!"

The trick, professionally, is to allow ourselves to imagine the Unicorn, but accept that Unicorns are not designed to pull ploughs, so sometimes by hiring a shire-horse and simply accepting it will never fly (or spread glitter), we might nevertheless serve our needs better.

(With the addition of a little HR professional magic to make the fit perfect)

P :-)
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Kirsty | 0 Posts

4 Aug, 2018 19:44

Ha ha :-) I've enjoyed reading these comments.

A recent omg/facepalm moment for me was a senior employee asking for her annual airtickets for her husband and two kids to be given to her in cash and perhaps give one to her mum to travel.

Per her grade this is the family package, however, I softly and kindly (I hope) explained that as she is SINGLE and CHILDLESS, she was not entitled to the airtickets for phanton family members - it doesn't work like that. She went to two different leaders (Head of HR and SVP) to request, nae demand 'her' tickets but funnily enough recived the same message each time.

OMG... :-)
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Peter | 0 Posts

5 Aug, 2018 00:14

In reply to Kirsty:

Hi Kirsty. Welcome to the Community.

I've never had anything quite as blatant as that but I did once have an employee demand payment for their "un-taken sick-leave"; this being his optimistic reinterpretation of the rolling "two weeks in any 12 months" allowed for full sick-pay under his contract. He was very miffed when politely told: "No".
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