Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional... - General - Our Profession

231 Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Robey | 0 Posts

6 Jul, 2018 11:01

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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Laura Ann | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 11:42

Many, many times I've wanted to say the following:

'don't be so ridiculous. Grow up!'
'You are joking' (normally when making redundancies and someone asks for a payrise'.
'We pay you for your skills not for the number of children you have' (OK i might have actually said this one, when someone felt they deserved a rise as they had 6 children).

And my favorite:

'Let it go' OK I've probably said this a few times also. But in my head I'm singing it, Queen Elsa style.

I actually feel quite better for writing on this thread!
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Jo | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 11:59

Am I wrong to admit that one more than one occasion I may have been heard to tell employees 'whoever told you life was fair?'

Trust me, much better that than what my inner devil told me to say!

#wearehumantoo
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Cat Jones | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 12:00

"It isn't my decision that you can't wear shorts in the non-airconditioned, non-client facing office with an otherwise very modern attitude to things. I really want to wear them too. I'm sweating like (some vaguely offensive analogy) in my corner of the office. It is the out of touch directors that work from home 3 days per week who aren't letting you. By the way, just wear a skirt. It would be illegal to stop you."

But it comes out of my mouth as:
"There are office standards that needed to be upheld and they are laid out in the HR Handbook"

Although I have mentioned the skirt thing to the gents, no one has taken it on just yet.
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Meg | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 12:28

Having come from a background where the industry we worked in actually helped save lives, I tend to roll my eyes a bit (lot) where people are being a bit (lot) precious. It tends to be over things like facilities and benefits/pay where in context they're extremely good but people get complacent....then they go elsewhere and realise what they've thrown away and ask to come back!
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Laura | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 13:02

At a previous job I was constantly having to bang on about social media policy. I bit my tongue so many times. There was one individual who just didn't get it, much to the despair of his colleagues who had to help him in the numerous sessions we did. Once we all got made redundant I took great pleasure in telling him to "foxtrot Oscar" on Facebook. My most liked comment to date.
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Meg | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 13:05

In reply to Laura:
Ah yes that reminds me! I admin a large facebook group and there's frequently HR related questions on there. Given I'm not acting in a professional capacity it's quite nice to say what I really think sometimes ;) And it gives a good insight into some of the bizarre things people think about HR too!
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Owen | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 13:55

In reply to Laura Ann:
"'Let it go' OK I've probably said this a few times also. But in my head I'm singing it, Queen Elsa style."

Thanks Laura Ann, now so am I! :)
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Laura | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 14:00

In reply to Laura Ann:
'You're Welcome' from Moana has become my new 'let it go'
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Catherine Fehilly | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 15:18

In response to managers asking why we have failed to tell them that something has happened which I have no knowledge of as the manager has failed to make me aware that there have been any issues "the crystal ball on my desk failed".
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Laura Ann | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 15:52

In reply to Laura Ann:
I also often say (to managers) 'I don't have a magic wand' and 'I don't have a crystal ball'.
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Robey | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 16:30

In reply to Cat Jones:
I'm definitely contemplating a kilt in the current weather. Some pretty natty designs out there, these days!
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Laura Fazackarley | 0 Posts

9 Jul, 2018 17:37

"I'm not going to do your work for you" - applied in numerous circumstances

"I really don't want to stay until 7pm on a Friday to do that" or "Wanting me to [insert nefarious task] would, in fact be illegal. No. Foxtrot Oscar" - recruitment joys!

"I really wish you would just do as I've explained, advised and now told you to" - candidates who don't understand why they are unsuccessful, normally when it comes to CV's or Interviews.

"No [insert name], I'm not sure it was a good idea to say during the interview that you'd rather be at home playing Fortnite but you just need dollar to pay for it, are you an idiot? Actually, rhetorical question, never mind"

Albeit, I do have to point out when something is illegal I'm unable to do it in such a way as I wish.

Great post Robey
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Steve Bridger | 0 Posts

Community Manager

9 Jul, 2018 17:45

In reply to Laura Fazackarley:

"Great post Robey"

Robey is very good at this.
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Helen Mantle | 0 Posts

11 Jul, 2018 08:42

I remember once having to console a manager who wanted to drop to working three days a week but didn't want to have his wages pro rata to £90k !! having to listen and be empathic to him telling me that he couldn't afford to live on £90k!!

What i wanted to say "Are you for real most of us have to live on a third of that!!" what i said was "well we all have to learn to live within our means"
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Narrelle Roy | 0 Posts

11 Jul, 2018 09:05

Me: Hi, how are you?

Employee: (sigh ... back of hand placed dramatically to brow) Oh, really busy

Voice in my head: Ah, yeah, that's actually what I'm paying you for. I'm really not sure why that is remarkable and is the very least I expect.

Me: Well let me know if you need a hand or to discuss your workload
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